How to Create a Sense of Safety and Calm Anywhere You Are
Safety is one of the body’s most basic needs, yet it is one many people rarely experience consistently. For women living with chronic stress, uncertainty, or burnout, feeling safe in the body can seem almost impossible. According to Rev. Sheila Poynter Johnson, LP, MPS, Chair and President of Harlem Family Services, emotional safety is not a luxury. It is a biological requirement for stability, clarity, and healing.
Rev. Johnson is a licensed psychoanalyst, ordained minister, educator, and social justice advocate with more than 11 years of clinical experience. She explains, “To feel emotionally and physically safe is to exist as you are without bracing for harm. In safety, your system downshifts, breath deepens, muscles soften, and your mind opens enough to be curious. Safety creates room to choose rather than react.”
Understanding What Safety Means
When safety is missing, the nervous system switches into protection mode. Rev. Johnson notes that this is not a sign of weakness but evidence of how the body tries to survive. “When safety goes missing, your body mobilizes or shuts down. It may enter fight or flight, or it may freeze and fawn,” she says. “You might feel your heart race, your chest tighten, or your breath shorten. You might lose words or feel disconnected.” These responses are not failures. They are the body’s way of communicating that something feels threatening or overwhelming. The goal is not to eliminate these sensations but to learn how to recognize and soothe them.
How to Create Safety in the Moment
Safety can be restored anywhere when you know how to work with your body. Rev. Johnson emphasizes that you do not need silence or solitude to begin. Grounding starts with awareness. Look around and identify several objects in your environment. This simple act tells your brain that you are present and oriented. Next, connect with the ground beneath you. Press your feet into the floor, straighten your spine, and allow your body to feel supported. Breathing is the next step. “Extend your exhale,” Rev. Johnson advises. “Inhale through your nose for four counts, and exhale through pursed lips for six to eight. Longer exhales signal the vagus nerve to downshift.” She recommends techniques like box breathing or 4–7–8 breathing to reset the nervous system anywhere.
Physical grounding also helps interrupt anxiety. Running cool water over your wrists or holding something cold can bring your awareness back to the present. For emotional grounding, Rev. Johnson suggests gentle self-talk: “Say to yourself, I can breathe. I can move. I can choose my next step. These small statements build trust and remind your body that you have options.”
Portable Calm for Busy or Stressful Environments
Calm is something you can carry. “Life will not always soften for you,” Rev. Johnson says. “That is why you must carry calm within you.” She recommends using micro-boundaries in stressful situations. Step outside for a moment, lower your gaze, or change your posture. Small actions tell your nervous system that you are still in control. She also encourages creating transition rituals between moments of stress. “When you move from one task to the next, take sixty seconds to breathe, roll your shoulders, or sip water. That small act tells your system the scene has changed.”
Rev. Johnson often teaches clients to reconnect with their senses. Notice five sounds, five textures, and five colors in your surroundings. This sensory exercise helps you return to reality when your mind begins to spiral. “The more you orient to what is real, the more your body feels safe,” she explains.
Trauma-Informed Awareness and Self-Respect
Many people assume calm is about control, but Rev. Johnson says it begins with consent. “Ask yourself, Do I have enough safety to continue? If not, pause, renegotiate, or leave. That is wisdom, not weakness.” She encourages mapping your own body’s stress signals. Write down what activation feels like for you. It might be faster speech, a tight jaw, or tension in your chest. By naming your cues, you can respond early instead of waiting for overwhelm to take hold.
A simple technique she often teaches is time-stamping the present. “Say aloud, It is Tuesday at 2:15 p.m., and I am sitting in my living room wearing a gray sweater. This practice pulls you out of past distress and into current reality.” After a stressful moment, she recommends a short reset. Shake out your hands, stretch, or gaze at something neutral. “Tell your body the wave has passed,” she says. “Repair quickly and let calm return.”
Daily Practices for Inner Stability
Rev. Johnson believes that calm is built through small, repeatable actions. Morning and evening rituals help anchor the day. “In the morning, touch water, wash your face or shower, then take three slow breaths and set one intention,” she says. “At night, dim the lights early, name three gratitudes, and end the day with one long exhale.” She also emphasizes the link between physical and emotional steadiness. “Eat some protein within a few hours of waking,” she says. “Stable blood sugar helps keep moods balanced.”
Boundaries protect your peace. Keep two phrases ready: “I am not available for that” and “I will get back to you.” Having language prepared prevents your nervous system from reacting impulsively under pressure. Movement, even in small amounts, keeps the body and mind connected. “Stretch, bend, roll your shoulders, or move your ankles for a minute,” she advises. “That minute of motion reminds your body, I am here.” She also encourages simple sensory rituals, such as standing in sunlight for a few minutes, listening to calming music, or using a scent that feels comforting. For people constantly on the go, she recommends creating a small “calm kit” with headphones, a snack, lip balm, and something grounding to touch. “Carry your sanctuary with you,” she says.
Finally, she reminds us that attention is one of the most valuable resources we have. “Your attention is sacred real estate,” she says. “Limit your exposure to constant news or scrolling. Choose your intake the way you choose your food.”
Why Choosing Calm Matters
Calm is not an indulgence. It is a form of survival. Rev. Johnson believes this is especially true for Black women who are often expected to function through exhaustion, stress, and caregiving demands. “In a world that rarely makes room for softness, choosing moments of safety is both care and resistance,” she says. “Your calm is not complacency. Your calm is capacity.”
Each time you lengthen your breath, name your surroundings, or hold your own boundaries, you remind your body that it is safe to exist. You are not waiting for the world to slow down; you are learning how to stay steady within it. Safety begins with you, wherever you are.
